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Funny Bible Quotes

  

Looking for more funny bible quotes? You found some good ones in the previous page. Now here you can find more funny quotes found in the bible Even though bible is not supposed to be funny or contain jokes, still it seems God has a funny sense of humor.

That's why you can find Christian funny quotes in bible. These bible verses are amusing and humorous to read and laugh sometimes. So here are the top funny quotes in bible for you...

Zechariah 6:7 (New International Version)
When the powerful horses went out, they were straining to go throughout the earth. And he said, "Go throughout the earth!" So they went throughout the earth.

Deuteronomy 14:21 (New International Version)
Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner...

When Gideon was building an army, God helped him choose soldiers...
Judges 7:4-8 (New International Version)
But the LORD said to Gideon, "There are still too many men. Take them down to the water, and I will sift them for you there. If I say, 'This one shall go with you,' he shall go; but if I say, 'This one shall not go with you,' he shall not go."

So Gideon took the men down to the water. There the LORD told him, "Separate those who lap the water with their tongues like a dog from those who kneel down to drink." Three hundred men lapped with their hands to their mouths. All the rest got down on their knees to drink.

The LORD said to Gideon, "With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands. Let all the other men go, each to his own place." So Gideon sent the rest of the Israelites to their tents but kept the three hundred, who took over the provisions and trumpets of the others.

And when you go to the store this Sunday afternoon, think about this one...
Exodus 35:1-3 (New International Version)
Moses assembled the whole Israelite community and said to them, "These are the things the LORD has commanded you to do: For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death. Do not light a fire in any of your dwellings on the Sabbath day."

Here’s a “duh” moment…
Judges 16:17 (New International Version)
So he told her everything. "No razor has ever been used on my head," he said, "because I have been a Nazirite set apart to God since birth. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man."

More Funny Bible Quotes

Enjoyed the free funny bible quotes above? Now here you can find quotes, sayings, and funny quotations about the bible from other famous people. Check them out...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.

More people are troubled by what is plain in Scripture than by what is obscure.

If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments—we'd have the Ten Suggestions.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Why do they put the Gideon bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late?

The Bible and several other self help or enlightenment books cite the Seven Deadly Sins. They are: pride, greed, lust, envy, wrath, sloth, and gluttony. That pretty much covers everything that we do, that is sinful... or fun for that matter.

Why not throw some of the following "quotes" to your kids and see whether or not they can guess who was the famous Bible person who said it. Here's a list to get you started:

1. "I should never have eaten the fruit from that tree!" (Adam or Eve)

2. "OK, Jesus! Here I go! I'm going to walk on water." (Peter)

3. "Goliath is big, but my God is bigger!" (David)

4. "Baptizing people was great, but eating those crickets gave me stomach ache." (John the Baptist)

5. "Boy, those lions really needed breath mints!" (Daniel)

6. "How come no one else has a coat of many colors?" (Joseph)

7. "OK, men! Make sure you bring comfortable shoes when we get to Jericho!" (Joshua)

8. "Oh, Samson! Could you hand me those scissors please?" (Delilah)

9. "Rachel, you know Jacob doesn't like to eat dinner before 6pm." (Leah)

10. "Hey, Esau! I made your favorite stew!" (Jacob)

11. "I don't know what's gotten into you children today! Why can't you be more like your brother, Jesus?" (Mary)

12. On a serious note:"I died on the cross for your sins." (Jesus)

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